Crash and Burn
by go-for-santa
Summary: He only wanted to help. If this is what happens when he cares, Deeks wonders if maybe he shouldn't from now on. But when it comes to Kensi, that's impossible. Densi angst, not necessarily a death-fic. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.


**Hey, all! So, this is my sorry attempt at an angsty Densi fic. I'm not super proud of it, but I needed a way to get my creative juices flowing so that I could get back to my Harry Potter one.**

 **So, yeah. I apologize if it sucks. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, considering angst is definitely not my strong suit.**

 **Enjoy! xx**

* * *

 _"I don't need you hovering over me all the time! I'm going to get into dangerous situations. We all do. Why can't you just face the fact that it's our job?"_

 _"And why can't_ you _face the fact that I know exactly what we do; exactly what I signed up for?"_

 _"Deeks_ —"

* * *

50\. 55. 60.

The numbers on the speedometer kept on climbing, but Kensi didn't care. She couldn't bring herself to care. She'd always been a reckless driver. That's what Deeks always said—

 _Damn it._

Every thought she had just somehow performed a complete one-eighty and spun all the way back to her blonde-haired partner. Every. Damn. Thought. And of course, those thoughts led to guilt. It weighed down on her shoulders and gnawed at her stomach, slowly beginning to consume her. He didn't do anything to her. He had only been trying to help. And, in typical Kensi-fashion, she had overreacted.

Maybe it was because she couldn't stand to see anyone get hurt for her. Especially not Deeks. So when he stepped in front of her and took the perp's pistol-whip to his temple, a blow that was very much intended for her, she just kind of lost it. He was even knocked unconscious until Callen and Sam were able to take the guy down, a fresh gash opened up on the side of his head.

And then, back at OSP when he made some joke about being the hero who saved the damsel-in-distress, she had walked out of the mission without a word. He had followed her, naturally, trying to figure out what was wrong. She had turned sharply on her heel to face him, and when he saw her glare his broad smirk slipped right off of his face, whatever clever one-liner he had dying off before it escaped his lips. And when he asked her what was wrong, his blue eyes filled with concern and he even called her _Kens_ and god, it was so hard to remember what she was going to say.

But she had remembered, and she had berated him for taking that hit. He had gone on the defensive, pulling the _I-just-wanted-to-protect-you_ card with a hurt and confused look on his face, like he didn't understand what he had done wrong. Which of course, made her even more angry, causing her to reply sharply and for them to get into an argument. Said argument led to her storming to her car, slamming the driver's door shut behind her, and speeding away, leaving him just standing there, hands in his pockets and genuine hurt on his face.

"Agh!" Kensi slammed a hand on the top of the steering wheel as she thought back to the argument. She was so stupid! He was only trying to be a good boyfriend, partner, _whatever,_ and she had flipped out like a crazy person.

She felt tears beginning to burn the backs of her eyes but ferociously wiped them away.

* * *

 _"You're being irrational!"_

 _"And you're being unprofessional!"_

 _"No, I'm being your boyfriend."_

 _"Exactly! And you clearly don't know when to be my boyfriend, and when to be my partner."_

 _"I'd do the exact same thing no matter which one I was! And I'm both! I can be both!"_

 _"But you can't, Deeks! Not in the field."_

 _"I can! God, I can! But I don't want to lose you!"_

 _"That! That's the problem! I knew this was a bad idea!"_

 _"Oh, so it's a problem that I love you?"_

 _..."Whatever. I don't need this right now. You're either my partner or you're my boyfriend._ _Maybe it's better for you to just pick one."_

* * *

There was no excuse for the way she lashed out at him like that. It was unfair of her to throw that whole _pick one_ thing at him so suddenly, but it was in he heat of the moment and her mouth got ahead of her mind.

She decided that she would apologize later. She'd text him once she got home. Reaching forward to grab her phone from the dash, Kensi turned on the screen if the mobile device. 9:53 pm. She had a lot of time. But then she got to thinking again.

 _How could she apologize?_

She practically broke up with him. She was more or less forcing him to choose between a work partnership and a romantic one. And just like that, the tears were back. Those damn tears. And the worst part? He was the probably the only one who could cause the rock-solid Kensi Blye to shed even one tear. He was the first person since... since Jack.

Letting out another angry growl, she whipped her phone towards the passenger side of the car, hearing the noise of shattering glass and crackling surface.

Damn. Now she was going to need a new phone. Cursing _(since when was she this emotional?)_ and muttering to herself, she reached over to pick up the remnants of her cell phone and assess the damage, keeping one hand on the wheel and glancing up at the road here and there.

* * *

 _So what are you saying?"_

 _"I think you know exactly what I'm saying."_

 _"Are you for real right now?"_

 _"Do I look like I'm kidding?"_

 _"Kensi!"_

* * *

She didn't even know she was coming up on the intersection. Right as she retrieved her phone, huffing in frustration, she looked back up to the road, then to her left—

—and was met with the blinding headlights of a truck and the sound of a horn being frantically honked. The only thing there was time for were for her mismatched eyes to widen and for her to let out a shocked gasp before the sound of metal-on-metal and shattering glass resonated all around her, and everything went black.

* * *

 _"I'm not doing this, Deeks. Not here."_

 _"Kens, wait_ —"

* * *

Deeks couldn't believe it. He had actually gotten into a fight with his partner simply for trying to protect her. She had just up and walked out on him.

He took another swig from his beer and ran his hand over Monty's head. Looking down at his dog, he sighed. The poor mutt was accustomed to both his daddy and his honorary mommy walking in the door together. He was acting depressed now.

Deeks didn't blame his furry companion.

Sighing heavily once more, the detective ran a hand over his scruff. Try as he might, he just couldn't understand why she had lashed out like that. Of course he understood that she was independent and could handle herself. But that didn't mean she should always go and get hurt. He had done what came naturally—protected the one he loved.

Apparently that was a bad thing now.

Laughing humorlessly, Deeks turned to Monty. "Don't worry, Buddy," he reassured the dog, "this'll blow over soon. Mommy'll be back here before you know it."

The sound of his phone ringing cut through the silence of his apartment. Pulling out the mobile device, he squinted slightly at the screen. It was Nell. He groaned. He left work to be away from work. He therefore didn't want to _talk_ about work. But he answered anyway. "What's up, Nell?" he asked tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut.

The petite analyst was in hysterics as she told him what happened.

Without so much as a goodbye, Deeks had hung up is phone, thrown shoes on without bothering to change out of his sweatpants and LAPD sweatshirt, and was out the door in record time.

* * *

The ER waiting room was silent when he arrived.

"What happened?" Deeks demanded the minute he entered the sterile white environment. The whole team was there, including Hetty and Granger.

"Deeks!" Nell cried, throwing herself at him and wrapping her tiny arms around his figure. "We got the call as soon as it happened... they said it was an agent... we asked who it was and... and..."

"Nell," he said as comfortingly as he could, while trying to maintain composure himself. "What happened? You told me there was an accident involving Kensi. I have to know what happened."

"We aren't sure how it happened, Mr. Deeks," Hetty said, stepping forth. "All we know is that Ms. Blye's vehicle was hit on the driver's side by another speeding truck. The impact flipped her car at least twice."

Deeks knew the absolute dread was etched on his face. He took a few deep, ragged breaths and rubbed at the stubble on his face. "H-how is she?" he asked the operations manager, his voice breaking. This was all so surreal. He never thought... he never thought that _Kensi Blye_ of all people would be the one to end up in the ER due to something common like a car crash.

He couldn't help but feel like it was all his fault. If he had just let her be, none of this would have happened.

Hetty hesitated before finally answering his question, "Things... are not looking good, Mr. Deeks."

He exhaled sharply and tangled a hand in his hair, turning to the side for a moment before turning back to her. "That-that's not possible. She's fine, Hetty."

The look on her face told him otherwise. Hetty never showed her emotions, but they were clear as day on her old, weathered face. There was sadness, fear, guilt, basically anything and everything Deeks defined as _bad._

When his eyes landed on the waiting desk, he immediately made his way over. The young girl behind the counter looked up at him, brushing a strand of auburn hair away from her face. "Can I help you?"

"I need to know how K—"

"How Kensi Blye is doing," she sighed.

Deeks was slightly taken aback, but he blinked it away. "Um, yeah. Yeah, how is she? Please tell me she's okay."

"Sir, I don't know the answer to that. I only work behind the desk..."

"Is there anyone I can talk to?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Look," he glanced down at her nametag, "Melissa, this is really important to me. _She's_ really important to me. You've gotta let me see _someone._ Please."

"Sir—"

He wasn't going to get anywhere with begging. So he went to his last resort. "Look, I'm LAPD, okay?" he said, flashing his badge at the girl, Melissa. "Kensi is my partner and she means everything to me. I _have_ to see her. She could be dying and... and it's my fault."

 _It was his fault._ Kensi—his partner, his best friend, the woman he loved—was in there fighting a losing battle for her life and he was stuck out here with the guilt of causing it all in the first place because of one dumb mistake he made.

The girl appeared to hesitate for a moment. But right as she opened her mouth to reply, the door to the ER opened and a doctor with an emotionless expression stepped out into the waiting room.

"Family of Kensi Blye?"

* * *

 **Yes, that's how it ends. No, there won't be another chapter.**

 **Probably not, anyway.**

 **But yeah. Sloppy ending is sloppy. I struggle when it comes to ending oneshots. Just something I'll have to work on.**

 **Review, favorite, leave some sort of feedback! I was in an angsty mood and I typically suck at angst and therefore my fingers are managing to barf up a sucky angst-fic of my OTP at 12:09 in the morning. Judge me. I dare you.**


End file.
